Day 16

Let’s just say it has been a bad weekend. My realization of depression = poor eating did not “light my way” to better habits as I may have hoped it will. To be honest, I am so discouraged I didn’t even take my drops today. 

The depression hit hard this weekend, but I did not drop to the level I normally do – not leaving the house or even changing out of my PJs, eating LOTS of Mac N Cheese (no mac n cheese was harmed this weekend), and high carb foods – and I am proud of myself for that.

I pulled back out my Made to Crave devotional tonight and read “Day 1” and there were a couple of quotable quotes I’d like to re-establish in my life and share with you.

The first a question I need to ask myself, “Is it possible we love and rely on food more than we love and rely on God?” 

My honest answer – I do. 

Just look above at my example of a typically depression day... food and soaking in my insecurities and jealousy and anger... and I “cured” that with more food.

Lysa TerKurst said, “I had to get honest enough to admit that I relied on food more than I relied on God.  I craved food more than I craved God.  Chocolate was my comfort and deliverer.  Cookies were my reward.  Salty chips were my joy.  Food was what I turned to in times of stress, sadness, and even in times of happiness.”

I am not alone!

I have noticed that I have learned to eat better portions.  I believe this has come from a combination of praying and turning this battle over to the Lord and retraining myself with the HCG drops.  For example (I have two actually), today we went to lunch as a group to spend some much needed QT with some amazing friends.  Off to Tastee Freez we went. 

Home of fried... well... EVERYTHING. 

I ordered a “lunch” plate of chicken strips, and found that I had to struggle to eat half of it.  Now if only I would learn to not struggle.  To remember, it is OKAY to eat less than half of your food.

Next, tonight at supper.  My sweet husband loves to feed me, and never quite understands portion sizes.  He knows I am dieting, he knows I want to eat better.  But he insists on taking care of me and making my plate (which I LOVE by the way), with 3x the amount of meat I need, and not just 1 but 2 pieces of cornbread haha.  I was VERY proud of myself tonight when I ate 1 of the 3 pieces of meat and only 1 of the pieces of cornbread. 

With God’s help – I will overcome, both my emotions and FOOD.